#but i just needed a mini vent
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#i had my first patient death yesterday and i do not know how to handle it#i dont think im cut out for this 😭#ill probably delete this later#but i just needed a mini vent#personal
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mini rant about Luke on June being in Canada vs Nick on June being in Canada
i absolutely HATE Luke for violating June's privacy when she explicitly said she didn't want him there. that's very selfish of him. it really irked me when he said "but at least now I know everything" -- girl this isn't about you wtf -- and for him to say that maybe they can just move on? the lack of empathy angered me so much. the way Moira, June's best friend, needed to tell him to be patient with June...? isn't that a given, knowing your wife suffered (for a lack of a better word) for seven fucking years? you didn't have to know what happened to her to be able to empathize with her -- that should be a given, considering you love her! but no, it's not about June, it's always about Luke, him, and how he lost his wife and his daughter, how he failed to save them.
luckily my anger was replaced with heartache on how Nick loves June so much. even being married off to a Wife, he still thinks of her and how he can help her. i nearly cried when he said he put some stuff together about Hannah for June because he knows she will always look for her despite being free. i love how Nick loves June unconditionally -- always making ways for her to be free, even knowing he won't see her again. that subtle nod he gave June when the Marthas were aiding her and Nichole to get out; other guys would kill for a chance to say goodbye and botch up the escape plan, but Nick didn't do that.
I'm not saying Luke has to be a fucking spy to be a decent lover to June but being empathetic and patient with her is the least he can do and HE CAN'T EVEN DO THAT. so yes, I'm team Nick 😾👎
#the handmaid's tale#june osborne#luke bankole#nick blaine#nick x june#osblaine#not a mini rant lmao i was just so angry earlier and I needed to vent it out!
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sometimes i look at old art and its like wow i definitely have improved i cant believe it used to look like that and then i look at some other old art and its like what the fuck happened to my ability to draw
#mini vent or whatever i just havent been as happy with my art lately </3#i need to get back to digital so bad
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That feeling when you're correct that your estranged parent did have a surname that's also associated with being jewish in origin and you have no definitive conclusions about that or, like, half of who you are 🥲🙏🙏🙏
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#no this would change nothing about me needing to convert - especially since i don't have any clue about it#i only know my paternal side of my lineage and i'm much more confident in saying that it's not jewish#but there's a non-zero chance about my maternal side and i think about that sometimes#i know *most likely* that that surname is for non-jewish reasons. it's just that uncertainty bothers me sometimes#and it's not completely unreasonable to think there's a nonzero chance y'know?#i'm content to leave that parent estranged though but still#i know this is a very. Not Important problem. this is a mini vent because ouuugh#don't take this too-too seriously. i'm not completely bothered by this idea because i still have to convert 🤷🤷🤷
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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Shang tsung doesn't need to be a "good guy" to be sympathetic or do nice or "good" deeds.
Y'all should understand that not everyone needs to be a hero to be redeemed.
That's some bullshit propaganda that y'all tend to fall for.
It's like that feeling of "if you pray to jesus,all you're sins in OUR eyes will be forgiven" type indoctrinated shit. Like no shade thrown,even as someone who is spiritual myself. I find people thinking that a villain in a story should become a hero in order to be redeemed,kinda suspicious.
Shang tsung,to me,has ALWAYS BEEN NUANCED. And already had benevolent qualities and traits. Y'all just only see one damn part of it because the writers suck at showing them properly.
Not to mention if a character isn't obnoxiously nice or mean,y'all don't pay attention to them.
It's like most of mk fans I've noticed,at least as of late. Feels like I'm talking to 3yr olds in media literacy.
So no. Shang tsung needs to be a NEUTRAL CHARACTER. not good,not evil,just self serving and even quite helpful as a tournament master as he is supposed to fucking be.
He is supposed to be that "keep your friends close,keep you enemies closer" type. He is the "the enemy of my enemies are my friends" type. He's scary intelligent,cunning,a master martial artist,a brilliant alchemist,and one badass mofo you do not wanna cross.
But most of all,he is courteous,a gracious host on his island,and his punishments are as great as his rewards. He does keep his end of the bargain,but he also gets compensation.
If anything you need to worry about earthrealms warriors more than him. Half of them now(due to piss poor writing) are hiding behind heroic deeds and false statements of peace yet they have unclean hands too.
With Shang tsung you know what you are dealing with,it's on the table. If you cant read the obvious,you are indeed a foolish one.
No matter what iteration of shang tsung you have. One thing is clear,made clear,and that is when you deal with him. You deal with the devil so to speak.
So if you're not smart nor prepared. That's on your ass honey. Not his. Do not blame him for your stupidity.
But if you know how to play the game,play chess with the serpent. And know these archetypes. Then you may have a better shot. But that's all on you.
Either way,in your favor or not. Do not blame him for telling you exactly what is needed to be said,not what you wanna hear. Honeyed words or not,there's always a sliver of truth and bitter pill of truth in his words. And he's good at making either people hate his guts or bow and worship him.
THAT IS WHY HE'S DANGEROUS. not because of magic,or experiments and other trival bullshit.
Nah.
It's because shang tsung is good at talking. Good at trades and making you believe whatever is what he wants you to see.
Even if it may go against him. He wants you to fuck up,get angry at him,attack,be unbalanced,so he can fuck your shit right up!
Holy shit this mans whole ass moveset is zoning and keeping you in a certain place in the stage even!
It's part of his whole damb character.
I could go on and on. But do not blame to serpent for telling you information for questions you ask him. You're the one who chose to bite his apple of enlightenment and knowledge so to speak.
Which is why the gods,titans,etc want these kombatants,warriors to be stupid. So they are easy to control,to get what they want.
Like it's glaringly obvious that mortal kombats story has these type of tropes and symbolism in it. But people are too blind,for various reasons. To see it.
I could get deep. It's a videogame,i know. It is what it is.
But the more i look at mk12/mk1 shang tsung. The more i feel its a missed opportunity to showcase these themes better for him.
Like holy shit dude. Shang tsung pointing out the hypocrisy of the gods. And whispers in our earthrealm warriors ears. And maybe convincing a few to join his side. Or even better. Our heroes,kung lao and mortal raiden to question liu kang and not blindly follow like fucking idiots. Sure just trust this dude right? Bruh.
Shang tsung is the only one with a brain once again. And i hate them making everyone else so stupid to make him seem better in the shithole plot of theirs. If you can call it a plot.
It burns me,that it's a waste of potential.
But i digress.
Anyways. Shang tsung,way more than an evil conjurer of tricks my dudes. Waaaaaay fucking more.
#mortal kombat#shang tsung#mini vent#mortal kombat shang tsung#mk12/mk1#mk12/mk1 shang tsung#mk1 shang tsung#mk1 2023 shang tsung#mk1 2023#like god damn it y'all love these type why can't you seem to write them better?!#y'all seem to take stupid pills around this shang tsung for why? like y'all wrote devil and luciferian characters so damn well....#why not apply that to shang tsung? like it's obviously right there in plain sight of what that is#ugh#i dunno guys i just feel there can be so much more for shang than “all evil” or “ all good” it's boring#like he doesn't need to change his whole fucking character to have sympathy or do heroic things ffs like let my dude be neutral!#i feel people throw around antihero too fucking much to a point that archetype lost it's meaning#he is by no means a fucking antihero nor will he ever be#if anything he's a tragic villain or just a neutral grey character period
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this is beanie my mini/moyen poodle hes cute and sweet and one of the reasons i stay alive
#hes a mini mixed with a moyen but purebred poodle still#the breeder i went through is incorporating ukc lines to her lines for competition reasons#but also for genetic diversity#ok now ignore this on its a vent#my dad voted for trump#i still havemt been able to talk to him after i went off on him#i need to be on good terms with him bc he is helping me move back up to thw north near them#and despite the trauma hes caused me i stg he is a nice and caring person#but it just STINGS and HURTS knowing he voted for the worst case scenario#like he says he cares about me and trans issues but then he does that??#just hurts so bad.
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Exhausted
#i spent the whole weekend doing homework and preparing for my first mini classes/groups#id be so lost if i didnt do this last year#im so tired i need sleep#im bringing a bag of candy im gettng this shit in order i swear to god#its just the first week and ill find a routine i can stick with#banging my head#flame vents
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I just want to hold him again
#tired posting#i miss my dog#mini vent#sorry in advance for this post im not a fan of venting but i just really need to say it
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#1st my sister was passive aggressive bc i was boiling pasta when she wanted to make her dinner#so she slammed stuff nd chopped veggies aggressively#nd i felt my heart rate spike nd my body go tense nd i always get clumsy nd drop things nd hurt myself when i get that way#but they think i deserve feeling awful bc of mistakes in the past so i cant ask them to stop#i've been walking around w lots of heavy things nd im barely keeping it together#nd i got so mad bc she wouldnt stop so i started slamming the cabinets nd then left when i was done#then my mom nd other sister got home nd i just wanted to ask my mom smth#when i open my door my other sister goes 'omfg already?'#'immediately when we get home i never get a break. it's almost disgusting'#i just got so.. i realized how pathetic nd childish i am so i just went into my room#but then apparently my sister said to mom that *i* was the only one being passive aggressive#so she comes in to talk when i was having my dinner so i said that i plz just wnna eat my dinner#she didnt know nd she's never cared but i wanted to hurt myself so badly i was struggling not to#but then she started screaming at me for being childish nd passive aggressive nd that i never do anything#she left my room. she still talks to my sisters so i know it's onlg me shes sick of#idk.. today is bad bc i cant talk to her nd i dont have ANYONE else to talk to im all alone#and now i barely even wanna go outside my room bc apparently my family thinks i wnna mess w them just for going to the bathroom lmao#i hate myself so much. im so pathetic. im 25yrs old living at home being a burden#nd im just a pathetic nd childish person. i 'need' to talk nd vent nd rant nd#like if i buy some things i have these need to like do a mini haul or if i get books from the library#i wnna show my mom what books i got#it's so childish. i do feel bad for my mom to have to deal w me nd my annoying personality#why cant i jusy be normal. no wonder why i can never keep friends or my family doesnt wnna talk to me. everything abt me fkn sucks#anyway im just feeling so bad and so alone bc my moms mad at me so now i have no one to talk to
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#not snz#more musings 📝 / mini vent:#not sure why my social battery is so limited 😭 and also so inconsistent#i feel like i can't sustain the amount of... like continued/consistent enthusiasm i see others giving esp in group settings#i just don't know how to engage in that way without burning out#over the past few weeks i've been stuck in like#a strange state where i can't muster the energy to properly respond to even the people i'm most excited to reply to#which is strange??#(and if that is you i am sorry 😭 i love you and i will get back to you)#i think i can't even like manage to get myself into the mindset of enjoying something for myself (eg. a conversation with a friend)#i think a part of it is the stress from work leeching into my personal life#i feel like i've been working so hard and for such long hours but its the kind of work where the progress i've made is very hard to track??#:( i just want to be off of ******* work so i can work on ******* work again#i also want to get ahead enough on everything in my life so that i write y+v D:#i feel like i haven't had a properly restful day in weeks... even over the weekend i was busy attending to others' needs#i just want a break from it all... but i dont have enough time to take off... but i dont know how much more of this i can take#i remember also feeling during uni like i was drowning#like there were simply not enough hours in a day to deliver everything i promised. it's such an awful feeling#i just feel defeated. like i've felt exhausted for weeks and weeks on end and like i spend every waking hour working on something or other#but ofc there is nothing to do but to keep at it 😭 other people can handle all of this and more#there are so many people i refuse to let down
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getting an iced pumpkin chai in the morning and then my personal goal is to spend the whole day writing and i hope i can come back to this post tomorrow and rb w how much progress i’ve made!!!
#i have a love/hate relationship w this fic and i’m gonna rant to myself bc hehe it’s almost midnight so why not :>#okay SO. i for some reason just didn’t create any proper outline for this story and i think that’s why it’s taken me so long to write it#because i don’t necessarily have a why/a REASON for this story or plot… like even thinking abt doing the dialogue and trying to find flow +#cohesion is making me so 😐 and also honestly… i’m terrible at doing drafts in the first place#i don’t write linearly i jump all over the place while writing and SOMETIMES i can connect things but this time i could NOT#and i would focus on one tiny part for SO long and make no progress anywhere else like GIRL……… ENOUGH#but hmmmm yeah i also for some reason feel like esp w my writing it’s super robotic and doesn’t have emotion#like i’m not writing w suguru’s voice and instead i’m writing as the author and it’s kinda irking me#if that makes sense… hmmmm……….. also i might be doing dual pov so hopefully it doesn’t look too wonky#but yeah 😭 i need to work on scene setting & describing things effectively + doing show not tell#like i just made a mini outline rn and wow . it’s Not it at all 😭😭😭 there’s no WHY to the story and it’s making it hard to write#okay not necessarily a ‘why’ but like . What’s The Point of the story#sigh. i need to figure that out#also there’s so much stuff i want to add but i feel like it’ll be clunky + it’ll move fast or be weird#but my goal for tomorrow is truly and honestly write the meat and bones of it and then i can edit ruthlessly later on#i was thinking of getting it out this week but i forgot election week/don’t have anything really written either 😭#but hopefully next week if i try hard enough! the goal is before december bc i want this to be a november fic#but yeah that’s my mini vent @ me i’m glad to just talk abt in the tags#feels like for this story specifically it’s been a lot of looking at my docs instead of writing which is WHACK 🤨#also i don’t like my writing style + i want to write better in GENERAL#that’ll come w practice & doing it often though 😭#ALSO . SIDENOTE but why does tumblr not let me link things anymore like NDNDNDND SO STUPID#OOOOH AND . i need to start/finish selfship moodboards & also create wip lists for geto/gojo/toji but for REAL#as in wipe i’ll actually plan to write next not just ones i like the sound of 😭#ANYWAYS I’M SO SLEEBY……… honk shoo mimimi cult leader geto please pat my head to sleep and be kind to me#GIRL THIS IS LONG AS HELL OMFG . silence @ me 🤫 what a YAPPER#personal
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what if i wrote wildly ooc cell/roommates au comfort fic. what then.
#i mean it’s in-character in my heart#i just still need to watch more felpsvods to like you know. properly understand his characterization. bc im winging it.#anyway i am just having a night ykno#and i think the canon non-compliant world’s most unconventional enemies-to-besties duo would help#but first i gotta actually finish studying 0(-(#man mini side tangent but oh my god the pressure i feel to make everything I write ‘in character’ is so overwhelming holyshitttttt#‘you have to be true to the characters else you’re Missing The Point’ vs. ‘it’s fanfic it’s not that serious just have fun!’#chrissttttttt#ugh don’t get me started on this i rly gotta get some work done#this is already a borderline vent post we can’t get into that rn lmao
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me when it’s the week before my period:
#I’M TIRED OF THIS SHIT!!!#why is this week worse than my period#like as soon as I get my period??? everything’s fine#but that week and a half before??? category five extinction event for my mental health#and I’m so tired and drained and so angry all the damn time#tired of this#anyway#we ball 😤#(I am in tears)#the best part is when you go to the doctors and they’re just like oh well are you eating?#sleeping? you’re a student so you’re probably stressed about exams#so you should be fine there’s nothing really wrong#…thanks doc yeah it’s so normal for me to imagine a world where I don’t exist#it’s so normal for me to lie awake thinking about what would happen if I just peaced out of this mortal plane#haha but yeah I guess I’m stressed about exams!! :P#but ANYWAY I’m fine. I’m okay. don’t worry.#just needed a rant because whew it’s been a day#mini rant warning#vent post#ramblingeyes
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can’t sleep. feeling sad and anxious. not a good time. :(
#‼️ i am okay and i am safe ‼️#i’m simply just. feeling sad tonight#and very stressed about the busy weeks ahead#and scared of a nerve wracking conversation i need to have with my boss 😵💫#bc i fucked up my schedule#hhhhhh just overall feeling like i’m not doing a good enough job#and beating myself up about it 🤕#sorry for the mini vent BDJSBXJS#i just have a lot of things buzzing in my head#non tkls#vent post
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Me when I can’t shut my mouth and suddenly ruin the vibes
#mini vent#but I just don’t wanna play#I’m all gamed out rn#but a friend said I promised and made it seem like I said it today#I didn’t know the game they wanted to play released today#I need context for things#I’m sorry I seemed snappy#I just didn’t know and I’m tired#but now I’m sitting in vc waiting for it to download and then play#it would’ve been fine but then he had to pull the guilt trip card as well#it would’ve been fine as a miscommunication#but to go and be like it’s fine I’ll just go lay down#guilt tripping me#I’m aware he does this everytime#but god it’s exhausting#just because you can play these games all the time doesn’t mean I can#especially when I’m not feeling it#anyways that’s my rant#rena rambles#I’m also autistic so the vibes could not be ruined and I’m reading it wrong again
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